September 28, 2022
By Jo Wiersema
Midweek Musings is a weekly Covenant blog with a variety of authors and a variety of topics.
The below is a fictional account of Hagar. This is written from the point of view of Hagar, praying to God, before she flees Sarai’s home to the desert.
Are you there? Can you hear me? I feel like I’m speaking to no one, trying to believe in this God of Abram.
I’m not sure why I’m even praying to you, this God who is not mine.
This God of men,
the men of control
the men of harm
I crave my home.
A home that was beautiful,
a home where I was loved and cared for, but alas,
Alone in this awful world.
Alone, but surrounded by people.
Do you ever feel that way? I’m constantly being told what to do, being talked at,
but they don’t see me.
They don’t know me. They care nothing for me except for what my body can do for them.
You know this, don’t you, God? God of all creation is what they call you. Could you have really created this awful place? Are you proud of it?
If I made this world full of cruel people, I don’t think I would be proud. I would look at the world and say, “This is disgusting, I have made a mistake”.
But no one asks me what I think,
no one would ever ask me how I would create the world.
So here I am, alone, surrounded by people, but alone.
We’re looking to you:
God of Abram
God of this terrible world
maybe even my God.
I’m at a loss for what to say to you, but somehow, hearing all these others pray to you, honor you, I’m turning to the only one I haven’t turned to yet. Are you there, God?
Here I am, talking to myself, hoping some God will listen.
No one listens.
I have so much to say, so much to take up with this God, to explain that I am a person. I can feel and see and hear what they say about me. I can hear how Abram has pushed me to the side. I can hear how Sarai has given me away again and again to be a vessel.
I am clinging to anything to remember who I am. I am more than just Sarai’s slave. I am more than a body to be broken into submission.
I am Hagar.
I have a name.
I have a home.
I have parents and a history and a childhood.
I am Hagar.
You can give me to your disgusting, old husband.
You can beat me again and again.
But I am still Hagar.
I am more than a servant.
You hear me? Don’t you God?
You hear my body breaking
My heart broke first, so many years ago, but piece by piece I have been broken.
Dear God of Abram,
God of promises,
I pray this prayer, hoping you see me
Hoping someone other than me knows I am fully human.
Are you listening, God? It’s me, Hagar.
I’ve been wanting to write about Hagar since this series started. Hagar has such a terrible story, but my heart reached out to her from the moment I first read Genesis. If you’re looking for more on Hagar, feel free to listen to my sermon this past Sunday.
Thank you for indulging me these past 5 weeks, but please don’t forget the women of Genesis, they deserve more than just 4 weeks. The people of the Hebrew Bible deserve our attention and respect throughout the year, you’re given an opportunity as this series ends to do a little searching and find all those other women who were beautiful and faithful and important to the story. The women who aren’t painted on the Sistine Chapel, but they are painted on my heart.
Ruth and Naomi. Queen Esther. Deborah and Jael. Rahab and Tamar and Hannah. Sarah. Rebecca. Dinah. And my sweet and beloved Hagar. Your stories have always and will always matter to the people of God.