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Waiting For That Other Shoe To Drop? Me, Too!

April 26, 2023

By Bailey Green

Midweek Musings is a weekly Covenant blog with a variety of authors and a variety of topics.

I’ll be honest, showing gratitude is not one of my strengths.

Don't get me wrong - I'm grateful for the many blessings I've been given throughout my life. But when something good happens to me, I often find myself thinking, “Well, the other shoe will drop eventually.” Healthy, right?

When something bad happens in my life, I’m down for the count for a while. Whatever negative emotions (grief, sadness, regret, etc.) I feel, toward a certain situation, tend to inch their way into other unrelated facets of my life. It is a real challenge for me to take a step back, gain some perspective, and acknowledge all the good that surrounds me.

Lately, I have been down for the count. My family has seen it, my friends have seen it, and my coworkers have seen it. And if you have come into the office at some point over the last two weeks, it is entirely possible you’ve seen that side of my personality on full display for a few moments, too.

So, when Charlie decided to start last week’s staff meeting with a six-minute meditation podcast on gratitude, nobody was surprised when I shrunk back into the couch cushions, praying I'd disappear entirely.

Similarly, nobody was surprised when I did not participate in the share what you are grateful for today portion of the meeting.

Instead, I found myself silently screaming this into the void: “What could all of these people POSSIBLY have to be happy about when I am so incredibly unhappy?”

Friends, this is the part of the story where the writer of this blog post realized she had hit rock bottom.

But the nice thing about hitting rock bottom is that it’s a solid foundation to start building from again.

To my own surprise, I decided to check out that gratitude podcast again when I got home from work that same evening. While I was listening, I found myself meditating on one word in particular: breathe.

Bad things will happen. Good things may come out of the bad, or they may not. But through it all, you have to breathe. And through that breathing, as impossible as it may seem, things will get better. The good will outweigh the bad again eventually. It just takes time.

While I may still feel a little more sad than usual these days, I have plenty to be grateful for. I have a loving family who always shows up when I need them most. I have countless friends who will dive head-first into any hole I’ve dug for myself to pull me out.

When I wake up in the morning, regardless of what the day might bring, I get to breathe.

And that’s a pretty humbling thought.

(For those of you keeping track: Yes, this week's Taylor Swift reference is to the song "Breathe" ft. Colbie Caillat.)

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Thank you Bailey. I am hospitalized and just found out that I have MRSA. Now the search is on to find the site that is infected. It may be my newly replaced left knee.

I’m breathing!

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